7/20/04 05:21 pm
Now we all have experienced somebody you know talking about you behind your back. Now, what if that person was your best friend, or sibling for that matter? What do you do in that situation? Well in the past couple days I've discovered a few things about one particular person. And...well let's just say my feelings are a bit hurt. I'm sure I'll get over it, but I'm sad that it happened. It's a situation where, so many people can hear it, see it, and read it, and yet somehow I'm excluded from all of it. They talk about how I've offended them in particular situations, but did they ever talk to ME about this? Nah, not at all. Perhaps if she had TALKED to me first, then maybe I would have stopped doing or saying the offensive things sooner, and learned why it hurt her. But NO she decides to tell ALL her friends, instead of me, somebody they should be pretty darn close to. How can she get so defensive when I "hurt" her, that she doesn't realize that what she is doing is hurting ME? Also, this person, I never talk bad about. My friends know that I care so much for them, I defend them and stick up for them. I've never received that from this person. I've never gotten the consideration that perhaps I had NO CLUE what was going on in her mind. She takes bits and pieces of things I say and tells her friends, giving them a bad impression. And another thing, is that the things I said were little, once in a while things I would say while I wasn't thinking. I wouldn't EVER say those things again. I've matured since then, but other people don't see that. I don't know of a time when they once said anything good about me or something similar to that. Don't get me wrong or anything, I'm not asking her to kiss my ass and act like I'm perfect, but she can't EXPECT me to be perfect either. She doesn't have to go posting all my little mistakes for all the world to see. That, and she shows and tells everybody things that were meant for just me and a few other people. Not the entire world.
AGH I don't know what to do about all this. I know I should tell her, or otherwise I would be a hypocrite for what I said above, but in this situation, it's a bit different. I mean, there HAVE BEEN times where she has offended me by saying something, but do I go telling everyone? No, I keep it inside. I don't see the need to embarrass her to feel good about myself. It seems that in front of a large group of people, she feels the need to point out my flaws...and I just sit back and take it. Once in a while I make an attempt in stopping it, but she'll soon forget. Now that I find out that she's doing it a lot more than I thought, it's just....ugh. I could have easily showed her private information and talked about it to all my friends, but I didn't do that. I didn't want HER to be embarrassed. In fact, something I could do where I could easily embarrass her, but I didn't do it, and I still won't do it. But now, it's like my feelings don't matter at all. She's using me as her source of entertainment among her and her friends. She has no clue that I know about it, too. She went about her to make sure I didn't, and it's so that I didn't find out what I know now. But how is it that she knows info on me and things I say? She purposefully went to find info on me, she was going behind my back to find it out. She's thinking that she's all smart and knowing, when really I know more than she thinks. She doesn't think I'm smart enough to figure this all out. I know she's probably reading this right now, too. I wonder if she'll figure out it's HER that I'm talking about also. I wonder what will happen in the next few days. I wonder if she'll tell somebody about this post. You never know...somehow everything I say winds up in the hands of other people. It's like I have no privacy anymore. In fact, I wouldnt be surprised if her friends were reading this very post. I'm just glad I don't have anything to hide.
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